see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
FUCK WHALES
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
