It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
