I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
