I need to stop coming to work sober
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
