since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
