how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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