don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
