I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize