I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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