i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am naked and annoyed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
