if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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