I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
