kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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