She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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