I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
