Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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