I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
