I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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