That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
