they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
