Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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