at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
