She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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