I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
