He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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