no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
