Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
