Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
