I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
