Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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