hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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