No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I believe in your delicious
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
