My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
