last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
