There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
