Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Let's paint friendship bongs
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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