come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
