i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
