is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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