tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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