Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
