wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
