so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
