my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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