I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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