I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
