Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
