I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
