I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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