Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
