just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wear drunk well.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
