At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
