i jhust puked up my retainher.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
