my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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