So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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