alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
