I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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