tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
