I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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