Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
