tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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