I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
