new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
