I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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