Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize